9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
