i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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