i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
high people should be assigned attendants
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
