I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
