All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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