hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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