let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
