Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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