I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
