If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
please come you make the beer taste better
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
