in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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