I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
