so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
