8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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