so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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