I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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