Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
