My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
