Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
