God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
