god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Randomize
