nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
