Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
