just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
