I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
