dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
