So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
