You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
