exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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