I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
