I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We need to rekindle our bromance
no. you can't hotbox the world.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize