I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
