I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
