Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
