dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
