I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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