I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
