covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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