he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
