had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
