All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
