Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
