i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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