my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
