Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
