You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
