i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
