My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
