This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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