If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
