yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
