I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
