she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
