My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
