The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize