Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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