I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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