I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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