nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
