I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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