Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize