my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
