birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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