I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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