Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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