Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
