Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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