you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
