Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
