This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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