Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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