We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize