Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
