I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
