he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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