I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
