I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
