I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
